20 Weeks

Wow.  20 weeks.   Three years ago I had no association with this number; however, any mother knows that this number is the half way point in pregnancy - that you are half way to getting to hold your amazing child!  Looking back, I can't believe I got Bell's Palsy at 33 weeks pregnant, and that I've now been dealing with it for 20 weeks. Unfortunately for me, I will get no "reward" to hold at the end... because I don't even know if/when the end will be.

From my last post,  I have more movement-- which is amazing and I am SOO grateful for!!  Between weeks 15-18 I saw some decently steady improvement.  Some mornings I would wake up and try to smile and I would see part another tooth! (this is a huge deal) - for 3.5 months I only saw half of my teeth!  My smile is still very crooked because I have no muscle to fully pull my upper lip up... and no chin muscle to pull the bottom lip down... I'm still praying that it will somehow keep improving.  The main parts of my face that are trying to work are the muscle by my mouth and by my eye.  Because of the severeness of my paralysis, the chances of synkinesis is likely.... and I already have some now.  My two working muscles re-grew to the same nerve... so when I try to blink my eye (which I can't really do)... it makes my mouth move at the same time.... a VERY weird feeling.  Speaking of my eye... I don't have to tape it shut at night anymore!!!! 3.5 months of that was brutal.. my poor eyelids!!  Now I can just wear a sleep mask (super attractive haha) and that pressure is enough to hold my eye shut.  I still can't shower or wash my face without physically holding my eye closed... and I still can't wear my contacts because i have no blink muscle to hold it on my eye!

BUT, I do think I am at the point that if you just saw me on the street, you wouldn't think "oh that poor girl's face".... So the good news is, I don't have to explain my face to everyone anymore; however, I still feel the need to explain it if I have to be engaged in conversation long... because it is much more noticeable when I talk/smile etc.

I have recently learned it is almost harder to see people who know me well, but haven't seen me in since I've had Bell's Palsy.  Most everyone in AZ/family has seen me since the beginning of the paralysis... so when they see me now they comment on how much better it is getting.... but the people who never saw me paralyzed, have a hard time trying to hide the shock on their face when they see how "different" I look than before - and they say that oh, it will get better.... and then I think, this is better!!!!

My spirits in general are much better because like I said, I have had improvement!!  But, for about 2 weeks now, I don't see any improvement... and that is frustrating since I had 3 good weeks before that of improvement!


 If you read my last post... I put this first picture up to show that there was some improvement... but I was too embarrassed to put a smiling picture up because I still couldn't show any teeth... but as you can see from the pictures below, I'm gradually... EXCRUCIATINGLY slowly, making progress.

from my last blog post - closed mouth smile

Same day from last blog post to Aug 3 - TINY tooth improvement :)

My closed mouth smile is almost straight.. I have to really, REALLY try hard to watch
myself in the camera to make my eye try to be the same size as my good eye

A week later.. a little more tooth

Pretty much the same (Aug 9 & Aug 17)

While the improvement looks better overall... my poor face hardly knows how to respond to things.  I seriously feel like I need physical therapy for my face because it acts independently of each other.  I have to physically think about moving my mouth into a smile etc.  Nothing moves naturally.  I had someone tell me I was like 90% better... and I wanted to cry.  I'd say I'm maybe 50%... here are things I still can't do:



1. Purse my lips
2. Move my nose
3. Move my eye brow/forehead
4. Smile fully
5. Blink
6. Have my eyes be the same size
7. Wear contacts

Thank you all again for the prayers you have been sending my way... I'm praying that recovery continues - hopefully I will have more improvement to show in my next post :)