Still Needing Prayers!

Well, it has now been 24 weeks... 168 days that I have not been able to smile MY smile. I was talking to someone from back home recently, and they said that they were so happy that I was all better.  I was so shocked by this statement ( bc I'm probably 50% better)... and they said that a picture I posted 3 weeks ago showed that I was back to normal.  SO apparently instagram effects can really help appearances?!?!  The picture was BETTER, but so not.... me.

Within the last month, I had to go "out, out" to a bar scene for a birthday party... and let me just tell you, wow, that was super hard.  Every time I've gone out in the past (before bells palsy) I've never thought anything of it- we go out, have fun, come home.  This time, it was like I was a completely different person/had a totally different view.  Girls openly came up to Marc with me standing right there -- they would look at me (glasses and all) and dismiss me and continue flirting with Marc as if to say "what is a guy like you doing with her"... now that could just be my own thinking/insecurities now that I have a partially paralyzed face... but it was so hard on my ego... it makes me never want to go out again.


Anyway, the last 3 weeks I've had a really, really hard time. (and it finally occured to me that I don't think people are praying for me like they were... and I so believe in the power of prayer, hence this post for help!)-- anyway  My face has had NO improvement for a month now - in fact, it has gotten worse.  I've developed a lot more sykinesis (different parts of my face move when I don't want them to) and I swear my smile is almost going backwards - it's more droopy.  I think this could be because Ellie sleeps no more than 2 hours at night... she is usually up at the end of each sleep cycle (every 45 min)... so I'm never sleeping and it's killing me.  The lack of sleep and lack of improvement have me feeling so sad, and that my recovery/healing is done... and that I will just have to learn to accept my new face... which makes me want to cry all over again

I have started physical therapy for my face  because I know it looks better in pictures, but that is because I'm trying SO hard to make it look right.. I don't look like that in person - Marc agrees.  This physical therapy won't help me regain any movement, but it is supposed to help some of the muscles that react when I don't want them to.  Anyway, because everyone seems to think I'm "healed" I decided the best way to show you what I actually look like is to do a video (I had to split it into 3 parts because it was too big to load)... and this is so hard for me to post because I'm so self conscious about how I look... but I need your prayers, so I'm doing it.  Doctors told me it would be a 3-6 month recovery.. I'm a week away from 6 months... and still have so much healing I need to happen... so that's why I'm enlisting the help of some of you prayer warriors!!  Here goes nothing--

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Some pictures 

Here is the instagram picture I posted where everyone thought I was healed-- but
next to an old picture.. it shows just how off it still is  - and that was taken on  the best day I've had!!

Almost a month ago.. and today - no change :(

When I get really sad I pull one of the completely paralyzed photos out
to remind myself of how far I've come.. but so sad how much Both don't look like ME

SO PLEASE!! Don't write me off as healed-- I need your prayers.. for healing, for my smile, for strength, for sleep -- anything you want to send my way I would be grateful for... thank you to everyone who has supported me along the way...