Bell's Palsy - 7 Months

I wonder if there will ever be a day that I will not be aware of how long I've had Bell's Palsy.  I wonder if there will ever be a day, hour,  minute that I won't constantly be aware that my face is still partially paralyzed.  I most often wonder, will I ever be able to use my face and have it FEEL normal again, because right now, it feels like I'm having to re-learn how to use my face again. 

I hope this doesn't come off as complaining, because I'm so so incredibly grateful for the recovery I have had and I thank all of you who have been praying and continue to pray for me - I KNOW that it has helped my recovery.  I would like to ask that you all continue your prayers - for strength, for PATIENCE, for recovery etc.  Waiting to see if more recovery will happen is so hard, and believing it will happen is even harder.  Doctors gave me a 3-6 month window... and I'm at 7...

I should give you all an update though!  As I've said with the past, if you didn't know me, and just looked at me, you wouldn't probably know anything was wrong.  BUT, obviously, the people I'm with the most are the ones who do know me so they can obviously tell that things aren't back to what they were.  I would say it is a toss up this month between what is more annoying... the synkinesis, or the tightness.  My face CONSTANTLY feels tight.  Any facial motion I make, it feels like the "bad" side is like a rubber band pulled tight, but that I'm trying to pull it even tighter when I make any facial movement.  The synkinesis I'm describing is really bothersome too.  Have you ever had your eye twitch?  Take this times 100... and then have it last all day every day.  It is worse when I smile, when I yawn, when I do anything that invovles my mouth because the same nerve regrew to both my eye/mouth. So when I talk my upper eyelid twitches.  When I yawn, my eye completely closes.  When my face is in neutral, my lower eye lid just does its own little dance constantly.  I've read that this is also what is inhibiting my smile.. because opposite muscle/nerve groups are pulling against each other which leaves the side of my mouth paralyzed--- As of now, I've read nothing that fixes this problem.

On a positive note, I did start using essential oils on my face to help some of these issues - and I think they MIGHT be helping!! Frankincense seems to calm the spastic muscles around my eye.. and PanAway seems to help any pain I've been having.  AND Ellie has started sleeping through the night!! We sleep trained her at 5 months and it's been awesome - I'm not walking around tired all the time!  I think this is helping my face some too... while my smile still doesn't move all the way, it at least looks a LITTLE better.  The last piece of good news is that I've started being able to wear my contacts for a few hours at a time!!!  This must obviously mean that my blinking is a little better.. and I've just started getting a TINY amount of movement above my eyebrow if I try to wrinkle my nose.  I'm holding onto hope for more recovery still, since these latest improvements have happened recently!

So I guess the thing is, when I talk to people, I still actually feel the need to explain that I have Bells Palsy.. because as I talk the spit still gathers in the corner of my mouth, my eye acts independently of my whole face, the corner of my mouth doesn't lift/move, and my forehead/eye brow doesn't lift with expression.  Again, while others may not notice each of these... I feel all of these things constantly - all this twitching/tightness/partial paralysis is ever present with everything I do... so I assume it is noticeable to everyone else too.

 This next part is definitely unsolicited advice... so read this knowing that!!  Probably the worst is running into people and them asking/saying "Has your face gotten any better??"  This question is awful and deflates me every time... because YES!! Can't you see parts of it moving?!?!  Of course it's better!!  I know people struggle with what to say to anyone who has had anything really hard happen to them (sickness, cancer, loss of a loved one etc.)... I've been that person who doesn't really know what to say... and I'm sure I've offended people in the past by saying a statement like that, even though I had perfectly good intentions!  I don't want to speak for everyone out there... but often remarking on a persons strength, courage, love, faith, or even remarking on a positive change in attitude/looks etc is so much better ... but it is really hard to hear people bring up what is wrong with you... and then remind you of how bad things still are by asking that type of question.  Anyway-- sorry for the unsolicited advice.. I just get this statement a lot, so I thought I would throw that out there.

A few weeks ago-- my eye now gets smaller than my other one when I smile

Some days the tightness in my face really inhibits my smile

I did learn if I tilt my head toward the bad side, it doesn't look AS awful!

Ellie and I on Halloween

Pray for my mouth/smile to work again please!!

But again, I'm SO grateful for improvement...

For 4 months my face remained 100% paralyzed

And for 5 months my eye never closed! Yay for blinking/eye closing! 

This last part is to thank a few of the women in Pella - Laine, Paula, Jane, and Natalie... for sending me an AMAZING devotional!!  I got it a little over a month ago.. when I was really really struggling and Ellie never slept more than 45 minutes.. which meant I was up all night.. which meant my face was terrible that next day because it looks so much worse when I'm tired.  Anyway, I needed desperately needed strength and at my door arrived this devotional. For some reason, when I opened the book.. I didn't turn to the current days date.  I didn't turn to my birthday, nothing that we usually turn to first.  For some reason, I immediately wanted to see what this devotional said on the day that I got Bell's Palsy... April 6th.  I won't type the whole passage... but, this is what it said...

"Take nothing for granted, not even the rising sun.  Before Satan temped Eve in the Garden of Eden, thankfulness was as natural as breathing.  Satan's temptation involved pointing Eve to the one thing that was forbidden.  Eve focused on the one thing she couldn't have rather than being thankful for the many good things available.  This negative focus darkened her mind.  

When you focus on what you don't have or on situations that displease you, your mind becomes darkened.  You take for granted life, salvation, sunshine, flowers, and countless other gifts from Me. You look for what is wrong and refuse to enjoy life until that is 'fixed' "

When I read that I couldn't believe this was the message on the day I came down with Bell's Palsy.. I wonder how my outlook would have been if I would have read this THAT day?  Because I definitely spent a lot of time/a lot of tears being upset about my face.. looking constantly at what was "wrong".. taking my smile/blinking etc. totally for granted.  It was a wake up call to read this... and ever since that day I remind myself of not thinking negatively (I obviously still do on occasion, but I'm TRYING to be better)... and reading this devotional every morning has been a great way to start my day off - I highly recommend it to everyone :)