May Madness

Well, May has been absolutely crazy!  Ellie was born May 2nd, and then we had 3 straight weeks of company - my dad for 2 and my mother-in-law for 1.  Then this last week it has been just me and the girls... which is great, and so overwhelming!!  As all mothers of kids 19 months apart would probably agree, it is like the kids talk and decide to cry at the same time, poop at the same time, eat, etc.  Some mornings I wonder how we will survive until Maree's nap time... but we always do :)

I'll start with Miss Ellie.  The last blog post was about how great of a baby she was.... well she gave us a week of that.  Now she seems to just want to be held all the time and cries all the time.... or maybe I have just forgotten how much newborns cry??? She wakes up 2-3 times a night for about an hour each time, so sleep isn't happening so much for me (which makes the Bells Palsy healing time longer - ugh). And while Ellie is steadily growing/getting stronger, she has such a different body type than Maree! All of her weight is in her torso... and then she has these itty bitty chicken legs!! She needs 3 month clothing for the top.. and newborn clothing for the bottom!  Of course I'm LOVING getting to dress them in matching clothes - I wonder if they will hate that I did that someday?? But right now, I'm the boss, and I think it is cute :)

1 month!!

I made this onesie.. and it is already too small :(

 Maree is quite the ham these days too.  Anytime someone comes over she immediately starts dancing and showing off-- she definitely wants to be the center of attention!!  Some ways she tries to do this is she'll literally do this kick with her right leg a few times, and then honestly do about 8 squats in a row in rapid succession... I think this is her newest dance move??! Other times she'll grab your finger and pull you where she wants you to go.  

Maree's matching outfit I made too...also getting too small!

Some other funny things at 19 months:

• She LOVES to push buttons... I've found the dishwasher stopped after I've started it several times... she also played with the security system that Marc thought was not active - lets just say 2 hours later we finally shut the breaker down for that part of the house b/c we didn't know the code from the previous owners to shut it off.  She also loves the buttons on all of Ellie's bouncy toys/swing
• I'm not sure if she's ready to be potty trained, but lately she has been going #2 and then telling me "uh,oh.. or all done" 
• She really is very good with Ellie.. she loves to have Ellie beside her briefly... and then when she's done.. she's DONE and throws her off
• She used to hate sunglasses... but now that mommy wears glasses everyday... Maree has started to think they are pretty cool
• She is a little jabber box lately too and I love how funny her actual words are, as well as her made up language. It's amazing how much Maree even mimic's my voice inflections... Here are some good ones:
• All Done -- Ahh Unnn (followed with her hands out to be wiped off)
• Flower --  Bowber
• Hot -- Ot
• Maree -- Maaaaa
• HEY! - she says this all the time and very loudly
• Let's go --  Et's Go...Weee (she adds the wee)
• Nine - this is her way of  counting... Nine.. followed by her own language which we assume are other numbers (how she picked this number we have no idea)
• Bubble, Ball, Mama, Da-deee, Water, Nigh Nigh and of course No, No are all really clear

Lastly, Me. It has been 8 weeks today since I became paralyzed... and it has been 8 weeks of no improvement. I look like frankenstein... and when I'm out in public, I can tell people are looking at me trying to figure out what is wrong.  And unfortunately, I look most normal if I don't talk or smile... so that has become me more and more.  They say that 75% of people recover in the first 3 months... which makes me terrified that I only have a month left to drastically show improvement.  And let me say, the internet is NOT my friend... every time I google BP I end up in tears... so many cases to read about of people who have been permanently disfigured by it.  A lot of people try to be nice and say I still look normal.. but that is so not true that I hate hearing that.  People will say it is ok if my kids never know what my real smile looked like b/c they will only know my current (freakish) one... and that makes me cry. Ugh.  

However, I would say I have about 5 good days for every 1 bad day... so please don't think I just sit at home and cry... I really feel like I'm trying my best to not get down/resentful.  In between being super busy with the two girls, I've been getting all kids of treatments/doctors appts... but obviously none of them have worked and none of them have any answers.  It is the NOT KNOWING that is the worst.  If I knew it would be gone in 6 months for sure... I could so live with that... but not knowing if it will ever go away.. and waking up everyday to see a reflection that is just not... ME... is what makes this so hard.

I try to take weekly pictures... and some smiling ones... but often when I see them, I hate them and end up deleting them -- and trust me, this is how I look most normal... I'm not ready to post a smiling attempt yet

She does love to be sweet to Ellie.. especially if it gets her attention!

Have I mentioned I love matching them??

Thanks for my outfits Uncle Brett, Aunt Tara, Anna and Caylee!!