Perspective

So this has been a hard week of waiting... waiting to see if my face improves, waiting to see if I might be able to smile for this new baby girl... waiting for the c-section date to arrive!! On my last day before my world will change so dramatically, I'm feeling many emotions.  I can't believe that I'm done with my time with just Maree and me... and I'm not sure I'm ready for that to end - but I have no choice! I'm not sure how I'm going to do after the surgery.. I remember doing just laundry after the c-section was hard with the bending... and I know Miss Maree is not going to care that I had surgery - she's just going to want her mama.  I could go on and on... my main comfort is knowing that so many other mothers have done this same thing and all have managed to survive!!

I also hold the belief that God doesn't give us more than we can handle... but right now I'm not sure how I'm doing with that - there is no way to explain how hard it is to have now gone an entire month without being able to smile, or even close my eye.  I took Maree to her Gymboree class today (a climbing/play class) and felt proud of myself for finally deciding to take her even though my face looks so bad... while in class, another mom and her daughter were sitting beside us and her daughter started shrieking/screaming so loud (and on the my bells palsy side of my face, that ear is SO SO sensitive, that any loud sound cripples me & brings tears to my eyes).  Anyway, this happened and I doubled over in pain and immediately covered my ear - the mom went on  to tell me that there was no need for me to react that way and that all children scream.  This woman was sitting on my "bad side" and it obviously has no expression/I look upset... so I explained that I had Bells Palsy and that my face is paralyzed and my ear is just really sensitive on that side - that I couldn't help it.  She gave me a disgusted look and told me that, that was no excuse for my behavior and she took her daughter and left the class.  Obviously I felt even worse.

I'm sharing this story because the next time you happen to say something nice, or smile at someone etc. and they don't smile back or even react back in a way you were expecting... perhaps don't judge them so fast for being a "b" word.. or for being rude etc.... you never know, they may have Bell's Palsy and they can't smile.. they can't show emotion.. and permanently look like they are frowning. .. or something else may be going on - this has given me an entirely new perspective on everything. 

Prayers for the Poortinga's would be appreciated... in 24 hours we will have a new baby girl!!  The surgery is at 4:30p.m. so I have to fast all day... ugh. Stay tuned :)