Bell's Palsy 4 Months

In some ways I can't believe it has already been 4 months (120 days, but who's counting!! ;)... and in other ways, I feel like it has been the longest/hardest 4 months of my life!  The good news is that I have started to see some improvement!!  And while it looks tiny on the outside, it feels like I'm moving my face a lot more than it shows... probably because it has been so long since I could move anything, that the movement feels so big!!?  Anyway, if I try REALLY hard to close my eye, you can kind of see the corner of that eye muscle move.  And if I try to smile with my mouth closed, there is a tiny flicker of movement there too. This muscle improvement must be helping my neutral face expression because I've had several people tell me that it looks better -- and that is exciting!!!!

However, it is almost crazy.. I've been so anxiously awaiting my face to at least start improvement, and that I would feel  hopeful if it did start moving... but with bits of improvement, I now get frustrated that this is all I have... BITS! I don't want my mouth to move a tiny bit... I want to SMILE with teeth (which I can't remotely do).  etc.  I feel so bad for even thinking this because I know I need to be so grateful for any amount of recovery I have, but I sometimes get down that more isn't happening, and then I get scared that this will be the extent of my recovery.. and that I will never be able to look like myself again.  I think I've mentioned that this hits 40,000 people a year... but I also recently learned that 1 in 70 people will experience Bell's Palsy at some point during their lifetime..... my prayer is that I'm the 1 out of 70 for all of you reading this!!

 I joined a Bell's Palsy chat forum because unless you've gone for over 3 months with your face not working, no one really understands... but these people do.  Unfortunately, I can't decide if they make me feel better or worse.  Everyone understands and has been there.... but I did learn through this forum that if anyone experiences FULL paralysis, they will never make a FULL recovery (it might be 95% or 10%, but something will forever be "off" from what we once knew it.  That is sad.  Right now though, it would be really nice to not have to explain my face to everyone... Marc has just incorporated it into his introductory speech when we meet someone new.. he always says, "This is my wife (shake hands) She's got stupid Bell's Palsy"... and then I'm left with explaining everything about it.  I would love to not have to do that anymore.

I watched the ESPY's last week, and Robin Roberts story of having cancer and all she went through really resonated with me.. she said that everyone comments on how strong she was/is... and she said it isn't her.. it is all the texts/messages/emails etc. of support that she received that gave her the strength and courage... and I often feel like that too-- so many of you have sent memessages and I appreciate each and every one of them.. sometimes I go back and read them on a day when I'm having a harder time etc.  so THANK YOU. Thank you for your kindness, thoughts, prayers, and support.  I also need to thank my mom and Marc.  These two see a lot more of the "down" days than anyone else.  And without fail, they are always, ALWAYS encouraging.... and this means more than they both probably realize.  I'm sure it is exhausting trying to always reassure me... but thank you, I love you.

I've been reading the Purpose Driven Life.  I don't read it everyday, but whenever I'm struggling, without fail, I somehow open the book to exactly what I need to help me... and this poem helped me this week-

No, that trauma you faced was not easy.

And God wept that it hurt you so;

But it was allowed to shape your heart

So that into his likeness you'd grow.

You are who you are for a reason,

You've been formed by the master's rod.

You are who you are beloved,

Because there is a God

Lastly, From my 3 month post, a lot of you sent me messages about ideas to try- and I realized I hadn't let anyone know what I have been doing treatment wise!  So here's my list

* 15 acupuncture sessions  (no improvement)

* Vitamin B12/Traumeel injections (no improvement)

* Homeopathic treatment of Causticum (no improvement)

* Epsom Salt baths (this just is relaxing.. I don't know if it has helped)

* High doses of Vitamin C and B's and Fish Oil (apparently these are natural anti-inflamatories)

* Chiropractor neurologist & laser therapy (I started having movement after this, but who knows if it is a coincidence - still going though)

* Gonstead Chiropractor (no change with him yet, but still going)

* I massage my face twice a day

One of the only times my eye would close!

trying to smile with my lips closed.. maybe next month I'll be more brave to post one with teeth..

but seeing those make me want to cry & I'm not ready to show that yet

My "neutral" expression... still not there yet, but it is a lot better than it was.
(If you can't tell which side is paralyzed.. in the picture, it's the left side)